I Built a $1M Company & It Almost Killed Me - Erika Coleman

We all wanna look good in what we do, right? We all want to be someone that when I say I'm an expert at something, where I'm good at it, that you believe it and I wanna prove it to you. But too often we think that we prove it by showing how much we're getting done. But guess what? You can give your best and be excellent at what you do without giving your all.

Meet Erika Coleman, a speaker, consultant, and a recovering overachiever. She believes most successful people are getting accomplishing wrong. Erika founded a million dollar virtual training company that serviced some of the top organization in the world, and her curiosity about stress, motivation and wellbeing led her to a master degree in industrial organizational psychology from Harvard University.

And today, Erika has gone share the knowledge and tools to show you how to actually reduce stress without sacrificing success.

Erika at authority in the Wild we're all about being successful without sacrificing your life, in the process and what you just share and the TED talk that was released roughly one month ago and it's already at 40,000 views. I think resonates a lot with all the overachievers out there, me including because we think that we need to give everything, every piece of energy in order to be successful. But obviously as you find out that's not the case.

No. I used to actually think, this is how I described it to one of my coaches. I said, I used to think that life was basically a simple math problem. That if you give everything that you've got to give and you give it full energy and support and everything you can, then everything works out. That's how you get things to work out.

And for a long time that did work for me. Like I did very well in school. I did well in my business. I did well when I was working for other people. 'cause my brain was, well, if you care about it enough and you work hard enough. It's going to work out. And then my math got called into question, so I talk about this in my TED talk as well.

But in 2022, um, first off, the world was opening back up from the pandemic. Now my company had been virtual training. So I knew at the start of 2022 that no matter what demand for what I did was probably gonna go down because one people now knew how to virtually train on their own, and two, they're going back out into the world and not all meeting online.

So I was like, okay. It's just another problem to be solved. We're gonna pivot, we're gonna get creative, and we pushed harder, right? That's exactly what we did. We just met more and we create, we got more brainstorming going. We called in consultants and I was excited about it. Honestly, at first we started new trade shows, and then in March of that year is when I got the phone call.

Your mom's in the hospital. And then as time went on, found out it was terminal brain cancer and my mom was the luckiest person I had ever met. So it took us a long time to be like. Really it's terminal. Are you sure? Because she was the queen of loopholes. Like she found if she could find a workaround, she always found it and always succeeded.

And so I had to sit with these two really hard things. One was save the company, and the other was, don't waste a single minute with your mom. And so I did what I always did. I cared about these things a lot. I pushed harder. I gave everything that I could, and for 14 months I found new ways to push even more.

Like I used to joke, I just have to find energy. I'll pull it from my toes if I have to. And I did that day after day after day. And then 14 months later when my mom passed away, I had a night where we said goodbye to her and my body. That was the first time it shut down. My nervous system shut down, and I got very, very sick.

Ended up having to go to the hospital and get IV fluids, which I didn't like because for my mom's funeral, I actually have bruises all up and down my arms because I'd spent time in the hospital getting fluids, and I had a terrible technician who bruised me up terribly. But I was like, it's, you know. It's mom like, I'll do it for mom.

Even though my body was trying to warn me, you're doing too much, you're pushing too hard. And then two months later, I sent my last invoice and it was the first time in my life. Where I had literally like checked off every box on my to-do list because you know, we make our like dream to-do list and then we're like, okay, and then here's the reality one, and we usually let a few things go.

I had checked off every single one. It was the first time in my life, and so then I was like, well, there's nothing left to do. I guess I'll sit down. And I sat down and then I literally couldn't get back up. And I still was in denial. I was like, okay, I'll rest for 15 minutes. I'll be fine. I'll be fine.

It'll be fine. And then my daughter, who was five years old at the time, came in with a picture she had colored and she was so proud of it. And I was too tired to smile. And that's when I finally was like, I'm not okay. What do I do? And when I was talking, like with my therapist a little while later, she didn't even call it depression because she's like, you're not sad.

You're too tired to even be sad. I was just numb, completely numb, and I wasn't functional. It took a very, very long time for my nervous system to catch back up and let my body be functional again, and so I went. Wait a second. I did everything right. I'm a really good researcher. I'm a really good student.

So when I said, how do you do the best practices in your business and how do you do the best practices for grieving for your mom? I did all of the rules. I followed all of them. So why was I now stuck in this space where it felt like. Everything I had wasn't enough. That was really frustrating for me 'cause in the past it always had at least been enough and that's when I started to realize I didn't understand stress and I didn't understand success either.

So this is where you could tell I was definitely overachiever and why I now introduce myself as a recovering overachiever. Because you know, the obvious thing when you're so burnt out, you're not functional, is probably not to go to Harvard. But that's exactly what I did because I was like, where do you go from here if I am completely burnt out, but I had my own company, I can't just like go back and work for somebody else.

I loved being the leader. What do I do? So I applied to a master's program at Harvard and. The first semester was rough. It was really rough. I'm really grateful for therapists and doctors and family members who helped me survive that semester, but that's when I really said, you know what? I wanna take this as an opportunity.

Learn what I did wrong on the test. So that's kind of how I saw it, right? If you're an overachiever that's used to doing well and you get a test score back that you're like, I don't, nope, I don't agree. You were like, tell me what I did wrong on the test. So I kind of took this experience to Harvard and said, what did I do wrong on the test?

And it took me two years And building out a methodology, but I finally got it. I understand what I did wrong on the test. There was two big key insights for me. Do you wanna hear 'em?

can't wait to hear them. And especially how you, the day to day look like when you went from that period without realizing that you're burning out and you're, you're exhausting.

I mean, a lot of it was.

Purposefully not looking closer, you know, ignoring myself and a lot of it, a lot of it was, I'm afraid if I sit still at any point, I won't be able to get going again. I didn't want to lose momentum, so what it looked like was me just. Always moving, always in a frenzy, always in a flurry of some sort of, okay, well what's the next thing I have to tackle?

What's the next thing I have to tackle? I didn't really take a breath or a pause between anything, and one of it was 'cause there was so much to do, but the other was 'cause I was so scared if I stopped I wouldn't be able to get going again. Which I think is, a real struggle for a lot of overachievers. So it. Yeah, it was. It was an extreme level of that. Really, truly.

I hate wasting time. It was what it was. Can't waste any time.

And, as not just a waste of time, but, uh, I, I can share my experience, like I burn out two times, unfortunately. And now in all honesty, I feel like my energy's like at a minimum. And I'm personally afraid if I stop now to not be in that position again, like you described, to not be, be able to wake up, to not be able to smile again and so on.

Because I, I was there and. I, I'm pretty sure a lot of people are like that as well. Like if now I stop and I quote, unquote take a break or do things in different ways, I won't be able to do them at all. Did you experience something similar or I.

That is what I thought. That's what I believed. That is a great way to describe it. Where I was like, but if I'm not moving, I'm dying. I took, there's that phrase that a lot of entrepreneurs here that if you're not growing, you're dying. That's like a company phrase. You're always supposed to be growing.

There is no such thing as static. Right. And that to me meant if I'm not moving, I'm dying. I'm not, but I'm not a shark. Like that's the only time I actually know of a creature who has to move around the. If they die. And so it was this, but I can't stop. I don't wanna lose momentum. And I think that's one of the big tricky things that we misunderstand is that we believe momentum means consistent pushing and consistent going and consistent effort.

Momentum doesn't actually work that way. When we look at it from a psychological perspective, especially 'cause we are living, breathing beings, we're not objects that just keep moving. And because of that we have to actually go back and recycle and give back to our bodies so that we can be sustainably moving instead of being thinking, well, if I ever stop, I i's a problem.

So it it becomes this where I let achievement and attainment. Because they're important to me and they're urgent. They end up taking my entire head space, and I was really good at that, right? It's like, just don't pay attention to anything else. I'm only gonna focus on the things that matter to me, but your body is reacting to that no matter what.

And what I was inadvertently doing is telling my body, you are the thing that's in the way of getting this stuff done. So subconsciously I'm wiring my nervous system to treat myself as the enemy in the process. So no wonder why at some point my nervous system shuts down. My brain has been trying to ignore it for so long, and it's been trying to get my attention for so long that eventually I've just broken the system.

And the system is me, unfortunately. So it is this difference of, oh, I'm not an object to be moved or pushed or extended. It's actually a living, breathing organism. That actually also, when I treat it well, performs better. That was a big shift for me as well, to say, oh my goodness, I am the resource that helps me get my things done.

Instead of, oh, I just have to, I just have to push myself harder. I just have to get over it. I just have to stretch a little further. Instead, it's been, wait a second. This is the vehicle that gets the things done. I wouldn't tell my gas tank. Well, yes, I see you're at empty, but couldn't you just push for 50 more miles and get me there?

No, I stop at the gas station and I fill it up. So it's been learning to treat my body as a better vehicle because I wanna get things done, not because it needs to stop, but because it's a high performance machine.

And speaking of high performance, people will say like, oh, but Erika doing less, uh, is not. Caring less.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I like when you say even do less in general. Like immediately I start going, I don't wanna do less. I never wanna do less. That's like asking me to be an underachiever. That is fundamentally something I don't ever want to do. And so being able to say. Is this about stopping Gabe? Is this about doing less?

Is this, 'cause that's what people tell you when you're stressed out. They're either like, well, you should take a break and a vacation. Or they'll say, okay, well, um, it's your own fault. I hated that one. If you didn't care about doing so many things, it wouldn't be a problem. And I'm. Really, you're gonna take my passion and the stuff that I care about and you're gonna flip it on me and tell me that's why I'm stressed out.

Cool. Thanks. You know, I guess then I just won't talk to you anymore. So I'll walk away from that. It becomes a disconnection. So, and there are plenty of people, I mean, you'll see it in the science about how quiet quitting and whatnot is rampant. And it's these people trying to disconnect from Caring about work because they're trying to protect their own health.

But when we look at meaning and fulfillment and long-term life satisfaction, meaningful work is a core component of that. So you don't wanna disconnect and care less. but what do we do instead? One of the big things that we have to do is stop this black and white thinking of I do have to either be always going or stop.

That's not it actually at all. Say, okay, how can I achieve the things I want to at a more sustainable pace? I'm not gonna do less, but I'm gonna be smarter about the pace at which I take it. Because otherwise, the urgent things are only the things that get my attention, and that is not how I want to live because I have family members that need me all the time.

I have, uh. I've got my health that I've actually gotta care about, and it never feels urgent unless I'm starving, right? Unless I'm really hungry, my health doesn't feel urgent. So I have to be able to say, I don't want urgency to be my key deciding factor on what I do. I wanna be intentional about what I do and what they've learned scientifically is when I'm more intentional about what I do, I actually get more things done at a higher quality.

Than if I'm just hitting everything as fast as I can. So when I say I want high performance, I'm thinking about it on that level. I want to perform my level best on the things that matter most. I don't just want a huge quantity of things that I'm completing pretty well. No, no. I want to be absolutely excellent in the things that matter most. And. to do that I have to embrace a different type of pace. So I'm not stopping it. I'm still going for it. You better believe it.

But when you balance space, the things that you matter most and being and giving, do your, doing your best at them, how do you define them at the end of the day? Because everything, my scream for attention, family, job, your business, uh, and so on, and anything can be important to us.

Exactly. I love that you bring that up because it brings up a core tenant of all of this that a lot of times we don't sit with enough and that is that achievement and best are not the same as effort and all. It is really easy to measure my best thinking that it's measuring my effort, but if we actually look at that objectively, like from a scientific perspective, I can give and give and give, and give and give.

But it actually shows time and time again. That effort does not equate achievement and success. And so I have to say, all right, it's not actually about how much effort I give, it's far more about what are the markers that I wanna hit in terms of excellence. So I have to take a moment to slow down upfront to get clear on those types of values and what I want.

So that I don't let effort become the thing that I'm just reacting to everything. I don't wanna be reactive anymore. That was my problem before I was reactive because I could do something or I wanted to do something, I would jump right in. Like those were the only reasons that I would say yes to something.

Yeah, I'm good at that and I wanted do that, so therefore I'm gonna jump in and I'm gonna do it. Versus me saying I am good at that And I do wanna do that. It's right now the right time for me to do that. No, actually it's not. Doesn't mean I'm not gonna do it. Maybe I'll do it in three months, but just 'cause I had the idea and the desire right now doesn't necessarily mean that's the reason I'm gonna jump in right now.

I wanna actually take some time to sit with it, do some risk assessment with it, and really say in the long term, is this something that I would be really proud. I did and or sometimes I flip the question in the long term, would I regret that I didn't jump on this opportunity or would I regret the process and how I went about doing this?

Because otherwise I'm just letting outcome drive all my decisions. I want the process of getting those things done to be at the table of the conversation of whether or not I'm gonna jump on that decision.

And speaking of that, because I think really applies today's world where quote unquote opportunities are everywhere. Everyone is talking about ai. Everyone is telling you, you should do it, you should use it, you should. And it's not just feeling fear of missing out. It's fear of being obsolete

Yes.

and that drives you to jump into it without doing what you just said, to, to actually assess the, the risk, assess the potential benefits of, of, or what you are going to think in a few years or months and so on.

And I was in that situation. I, I didn't assess and I got way more productive. I have systems in work in place that work for me. If you want. And what happened? I work more because I can work faster, better, and so on. And I start working more and I'm like, when am in the morning vibe coding and my wife is like, you should have be more efficient.

Right? But you are working more how that.

I mean, you are more efficient, but you haven't hit the core issue of where is the end, like where is the stop? 'cause efficiency for efficiency's sake is a beast that you always feed. Always, always, always feed. So yeah, it would, the more tools we get, the better we get at it there. There was a huge study that came out recently about AI that has shown that your experience, Gabe, is not alone.

It's happening across the board where people are like, this was supposed to save us time. Now people are doing even more, working even harder, working even longer. It's just compounding this fact of what we've seen where we're like, okay. Well, if we're always measuring these outcomes, which we are built to measure outcomes, the whole systems that. we live in are all about, prove to me that you've done your work.

And then we have even more ways to show it. Here's this tick box here. Here's this productivity metric here. Here's this system here. But we haven't sat still long enough to go, is this meaningful work for me? Is it?

I think one of the things that you said that really clears, like resonates with me is that this fear of being obsolete is a big deal.

It's a very big deal, but I think no matter what, when we're operating from this idea of a fear of X, Y, and z. We have to acknowledge what's happening in our brain. Fear is triggering, triggering our limbic system, our amygdala. That's our reactionary space in our brain. That's the one that kept our ancestors alive.

If you're gonna be chased by a saber tooth tiger, you want this to fire up because what it does, it sends those hormones through your bodies and gives you superhuman strength for a little minute, and then you run away, or you fight the saber tooth tiger and you win. It feels amazing. You did it. So when we come from fear, we're we're ramping up this physiology in this that feels good for a time, but those hormones are only supposed to be in your body for about 20 minutes at a time.

So if you are just inundating it and flaring that over and over and over again, what's happening is now that these hormones are sitting in your body and they're not getting flushed out. They start to attack yourself 'cause you're now the system that's causing the harm too much. So it goes, okay, I need to shift then, say meaningful work for me shouldn't come from a fear-based space.

That's gonna be a root of stress for me no matter what. How do I shift that? How do I start saying I want work to come from a rational place and a place that brings me joy, A place that gives me purpose? 'cause just some, 'cause something feels important, doesn't mean it gives me joy and purpose. So how do I then infuse those two things into it?

So that way, again, I'm not rushing in and out of, am I being attacked? Am I being in fear? Am I have to fight back? And instead going, do you know what? There was another thing that clicked in that saved our societies early on Anciently, and it was the fact that we are social beings. So how do I also connect to relationships And to the systems that we have built that help make us more sustainable so that one attack from one giant beast or monster is no longer as big of a threat.

How do I do that? How do I build that out? And that is what we're getting at the core of this thing is saying, one, when we're going after something alone in survival mode, yeah, you're gonna be stressed out all the time. But does that mean I, always have to work in a group? Not necessarily, but how do I bring in those connections that build and kept our ancestors alive for the longer term and say, can I bring that in so that I have meaningful work that contributes to others and gives back to me?

How do I do that? How do I build it out and how do I do it so that my pace is sustainable? 'cause that's really what we want over time. Any thoughts on that?

yeah, I, I like to dive into the pace part because you, you mentioned it a lot and I love the example that you gave in, um, in your TED talk, uh, with basketball. I, I used to play, play a amateur level basketball, and I was admiring the NBA players that were able to. Two or three professional games a week and we as amateurs just once a week.

We were dead for like a couple of days and I was like, how these guys are able to do it.

Yes. Well, I love that you brought that up. 'cause it was actually from the sports psychologist of the Boston Celtics that I heard her say, you cannot give your all every game. You have to give your best because you have multiple games a week. That's what she said. She started talking to us about how like they even prepare for like their flights and their hotels.

Because they wanna make sure that on the court they can repeatedly play at that high standard of professional basketball. But if they're doing it in such a way that they're stretching in every area of their life, including on the court, they're more likely to get injured. They're more likely to play poorly, they're more likely to get kicked outta the game altogether.

And so that's why I love that analogy in general of I don't have to leave it all on the court. I don't have to leave it all on the field. Even when it matters to me, it's important. So not everything in life is a championship game, but I do want to be in the game, right? I'm not gonna be like, well, just 'cause I don't wanna play championship level all the time.

I should stop playing basketball. No, I wanna play basketball. I still wanna be in the game. I just need to know how to change the difference between during the championship game. Yeah, I'm gonna give my all, but not every day is the championship game. I was actually talking with someone, um, earlier this morning, my coach Brian Miller, about two Olympians that I was like, you know what?

Both of these gals were even achievers, which is what I call this idea of don't give your all, give your best, get everything done that needs to get done without sacrificing your ability to do your best tomorrow. That's even achieving. I said there are two Olympians that actually represent even achieving.

And you may not have ex uh, like expected it. We have Alyssa Lou who won gold for the US in figure skating. She was originally training for the Olympics years ago and then stepped away 'cause she didn't like the pressure. She didn't like how intense it was. She stepped outta the game for a while, but then she worked her way back in from a joy mindset, by the way.

Came back and win and won gold. And I was watching one of her per performances and the commentators just kept saying, I can't believe how relaxed she is. Watch her perform these things. Look how relaxed she is. And I was like, when do we ever hear that? An Olympian who's so good at what they do and they're relaxed while they're doing it because they're not letting the pressure get to them?

How cool is that? I was like, I'm gonna study her for even achieving great. That was an easy answer for me. But there was another one, another US athlete, Lindsay Vaughn. Who wanted to get in, and she ended up blowing out her knee on her first run to the point that her leg is shattered, shattered, almost lost it.

Amputated. And a lot of people would say, well, she shouldn't have been competing. She shouldn't have been performing at that point. She had been injured weeks before. She pushed too hard. She tried to get in. But the big difference to me, she knew at her age that was the last shot she had to be in Olympic games, period. She said, this is the chance for me to give my all. This is when giving my all is appropriate. Did it cost her a lot? Yes. Is she satisfied with that? Actually, yes, because she would've had so much more regret for not showing up at her championship game. So there's a big difference there. We have Alyssa Lou who knows that she wants to go and compete at more Olympic events from here on.

So she said, I'm not gonna sacrifice everything in this one event or this one back in time. I want to be able to come back and keep going. What does that look like? Versus Lindsay Vaughn who has this decorated career and at her age she goes, I have one more shot at this. This is the championship game.

This is the last game I'm ever gonna play. This is when I give my all. And I love seeing those two differences.

'cause I can sit there and go, there will be times that I do need to give my all. They are not nearly as frequent as I think they are. So how can I treat those other times as times that matter to me and are important to me, but also continue to build my strength for the moment that there is going to be a championship game?

There's a difference there. There is this difference between when am I doing work that doesn't just completely deplete me. I want it to be like a good workout in the gym. I want it to make me tired enough that I know I got a good workout in, but not so tired that I can't workout again tomorrow. I want it. to be consistently building my strength.

I think too often we are working to depletion every single day, And then we're starting the next day from a deficit that's not sustainable, and that's one of our biggest issues.

And like even achieving, like, walk me through what that looks like in practice for us business owners. Uh, if you want, not on the, TEDx stage, like literally when, when you're Tuesday in sun fire,

and. You, you, you know, you have to dig those things out. You, you need to have to deliver, I dunno, client work or for your family and, and so on. What frameworks do you apply in order to, to make it work?

Yeah, I love that. So there's a couple of things that I've changed in my whole approach for things like this. First and foremost, when I see, or I know if I can anticipate a big day is coming, I now prepare for it differently. In the past, I would've been like, you know, stay awake and I would've grabbed so much caffeine and I would've thought, whatever.

Can I get to help extend myself and drink, you know, squeeze more time out of whatever I have. Instead, now I go, okay, my body's the resource for getting this done the night before. I have a very strict bedtime routine. And I say sleep, step one, I'm going to be rested for tomorrow. And then I wake up, I have a nutritious breakfast instead of whatever was fastest to grab, I hydrate with my water and I start saying, I gotta treat the vehicle well for this road trip.

'cause I want this road trip to go. Well, and then I also, and my studies found out about cognitive load, where our brains, when they start to feel, you know, brain fog and it starts to get a little fuzzy if we keep pushing. At that point, our quality of work is going down. And we're still pushing. So we're getting tired and our quality's going down.

So now I have staggered breaks built into my day where all I do is get up and walk around. Like I have a backyard track that I walk around in the backyard and I look at a couple of flowers and I take a deep breath of fresh air, and then I come back in. It's 10 minutes. I'm not saying, oh, I need to take a full day off, or I need to take two hours.

No, no, no. I have a timer. 'cause sometimes I get distracted. So I time it for myself. But I say, I'm not gonna expect myself to just plow through this. I want to give my level best, which means my brain needs a chance to do that. So I'll set a timer and I'll say, okay, I've got two minute or two hours to work on X, Y, and z.

I lean into it. I usually turn on some form of music, so I have joy and creativity also flowing. I think, okay, this is my system, two hours, and then when that timer goes off, instead of jumping into whatever might grab my attention, next my email, whatever, I get up, I walk away. I walk and do something completely different because what I'm trying to do is switch a different part of my brain on for a minute and let that part that was working rest just for a minute, as if I was resting between sets and a workout.

Like if I just did my biceps and I did 20 curls, great, that's great. I don't wanna keep doing that for two hours. I have to let it rest for a few minutes and then I can keep going. So that's why I wanna treat my brain like that as well. So I go, okay. Get up, walk away, do something completely different.

Sometimes I play the piano, sometimes I go for a walk, sometimes, whatever, and then I come back and I keep working. That's part of the pacing difference that I've started to embrace because I go, oh, my brain actually isn't capable of just plowing through at the quality that I want. It's not built for that.

I want to deliver quality, so I'm going to actually now respond to what my physiology needs. And I start leaning into that. I know it's been cool. I get my done, my work? done faster at better qualities. I'm not tired at the end of the day, so when I see my kids, I'm not the grouchy mom that is already overstimulated and I don't want you to talk to me anymore.

I'm like actually ready to hear about their days or play video games with them for a few minutes or things like that because my brain is refreshed. It is like a muscle. Our ability to handle stress is like a muscle. We shouldn't just keep doing reps over and over and over again. Then we're just tired. I want them to be strong and healthy, so I have to do those rests between the sets.

So that's what it looks like for me as a business owner, as a student, and honestly as a parent.

There are times that I still overextend. And now instead of saying that's the standard of work I can produce, I go, Uhuh crap. I overextended. I feel it now. I'm tired the next day. I mean, part of it is I don't get much choice anymore.

When you hit nervous system meltdown like I did, your body like is kinda like Uhuh red flag, red flag. You push too hard, I'm gonna shut down on you. So I now go, if I pushed too hard the next day I, I start renegotiating things when I wouldn't have. I'll have certain calls, they'll be like, you know, this really doesn't have to happen today.

I would like it to, but my body's warning me that if I keep going like this, I'm gonna be a problem and I'll ask if I could push it two days, two days away. I've been surprised by how many people are okay with that. In the past, I would've assumed if I moved an appointment or commitment with you that you would see me as lazy as not good at what I do.

But instead I said, you know what? I had some things come up. My body's giving me a warning right now. If it's okay with you, I'd like to push this a couple days. Are you open to that? And a lot of people often are, and that those that aren't. That's when I get to go, oh, this is more urgent maybe than I realized and or is this really a relationship I need to hang on to?

Right. I actually ask those questions now instead of just being like, because it's there, I should do it. I'm no longer a slave to the calendar. The calendar serves me kind of a thing. So that's what it looks like in my day to day life right now. Um, do you have any questions like about that or how it would go?

Uh, I, first of all, I love the filters that you have in place, and I think one thing I want to add here, it's something that I notice about, uh, my day to day is, for example. I try something new this year. I thought it's smart to put all the calls that I have in one day, because usually when I have a call or a podcast recording, I, my mind is there even that it's at the end of the day or like middle of the day.

My mind is still there and I was like, maybe I should batch them all in one day. Right? Wrong. Like call after call after. Exactly. And I not just, I wasn't given my best. I was like underperforming big time. And obviously that after that for one day at least, uh, after that, uh, calls day. And I think speaking of pacing, the, the, the way you describe like, instead of like batch everything in one day, having that.

Context switch, which is so important. Uh, if you're not like multitasking and so on, give our brain a bit of break and we, we can actually enjoy more what you are doing. And, uh, I, I will, after this recording, I'll write on a post note and I put on my monitor, are you overachieving again, to just have that reminder to, to check in with myself because.

We go through the day without probably someone watching now or listening to us, we're like, alright, this, this sounds good on paper. But in practice it's so hard to apply. But maybe small things like this, like having some sort of reminder to, to check in with yourself, your body, we'll have that reaction to like, to actually do it and see.

Alright, I, I'm pushing too much now and maybe I should pace myself. And I want to add something more regarding the basketball, because I think that analogy, uh, none, not the biggest ones in the world like Michael Jordan. Now, Kobe, uh, not Kobe, the late Kobe Bryant or now, um, LeBron James, they don't play all four quarters without a break.

Just count how many breaks, how many times they're sitting on the bench. It's a reason for that.

Yep. Oh, I love that you've pointed that out. Exactly. Yep. Even so, one of the jokes I have when I was debating that. story versus I have some friends that are on Broadway in New York that do eight shows a week every week, week after week. Um, even them, they're not dancing the entire two hour show. They have won an intermission.

And two, there's always individual things throughout a show. Very few shows are a one man performance for two hours. You have different stages where you rest and you come back and you're on, and then you're off, and then you're on and you're off. Like, we are built for that. Our bodies and our brains are, and if we wanna be able to perform at that top level, the championship level, we have to honor that in its different ways.

So it's cool. I love that you brought that up too.

Thank you. And what else you will you share for those that are still saying like, alright, Erika, love your examples. Love the filters that you have in place, um, and all these things. But I'm pretty sure I'll still push. Myself, I'll still overdo it because I dunno, I want to be respected, I want to be successful, and the stress will still come.

Yep.

to them?

There's so many things that I love to say. I think you triggered something in my own brain that I was like, this is something I do that I haven't called out enough. And it is where I start asking myself if I'm moving too fast to check in with my body. I already know I'm not gonna be able to keep up with it, period.

And in my brain, I always am reminding myself, you know, if I want to actually be respected for a long time. 'cause I don't just wanna be respected tomorrow. I don't just wanna be respected for the next two years. I'd like to be respected for my whole life. So I gotta start thinking of this as a long game.

This is a full blown marathon. It's not a sprint. I'm not gonna run every part of it as fast as I can. So if I am running in such a way that I'm not able to check in with my body, if I'm trying to ignore myself, I know I'm moving too fast. And on top of that, it means I'm treating myself as the enemy. And if I'm running a race against myself and I lose or I win, like. There actually isn't a winner. There isn't a winner in that game. If I'm the enemy in whatever success I'm going after, there's a problem there because I can't win against myself. I'm gonna start treating myself as a thing to beat when really. That means if I actually win, I'm not going to enjoy it because it came at the cost of kicking myself to the ground.

So all I'm gonna do is look for the next thing to go chasing after. So I have to start saying, can I be a champion for myself? Not just can I be the thing that beats myself up and push as harder. I'm not the enemy here. I am the champion here. I would like to be the one that wins this race. Which means I have to befriend myself in this process, and I have to start thinking, what do champions do long term?

What do they do? And in my studies, I've actually found out there's like three core behaviors that they're always doing. They're always cheering. They're cheering for themselves. They're cheering for others. Like they enjoy what they do. I am not always great at that. I'm good at what I do, but do I always enjoy it? Hmm. Not always. So I've gotta make sure I'm building in moments of cheering myself on because I want motivation to keep playing the game, and that's what cheering does. It gives our motivation fuel. Then also I try to think to myself, okay, I've got to provide. Resources and needs. That's skills, resources, things that help get things done.

That's what champions also do. Like they don't just say, just play the game. They're like, oh look, you need to change your technique here, or you need to go drink some electrolytes. Like they actually provide skills and resources so you can keep playing the game. And then last but not least is that call out piece, which is Gabe, is what you're hinting at of I have to be able to call myself out when I am pushing too hard or too fast.

A champion does that. If we aren't playing well because we're doing something poorly, they will call it out. They care enough about the long-term purpose of this game that if you're doing something wrong, they call it out. So I've been saying where are these moments that I need to call myself out? And those are the filters we've been talking about.

One of those for me, if I'm moving too fast that I'm not checking in with my body. I'm gonna use that as a call out. Erika. I'm in this for the long term and I wanna be a champion of this game that I call life. So I've gotta call this moment out because that's what real champions do. They don't just push, they don't just cheer.

They don't just say work harder. They say look, this isn't sustainable. How can we adjust? What do we need to make it sustainable? And that will be a very personal decision, by the way, for each person. But I think that's why when you're talking about like AI and how it actually added more work is because you're, you provided skills and resources, which is great.

For there was no call out piece. What is the limit for yourself on that skill and resource in terms of how you want to use it so that it's sustainable and consistently adding you joy so that you can cheer on this life that you're trying to live. That's the new framework that I'm really trying to work and build out in my own life and in my clients' lives because yeah, stress is, moments can be actually helpful.

If I have a championship game, I want those hormones in my system to help me play my best, but I don't want them? in my system for my everyday games. So how do I make sure I'm balancing that out? And that's how I do it. I find ways to cheer. I provide myself with the skills and resources I need to get things done. And I do it without ego because if I'm like, I should be able to do this without help, that's, that's not a very smart way to do things. That's also being like, this car should be able to go without me putting anything in it to help it go, no. I actually can say that my body has needs. That's great.

Fantastic. I will fulfill those needs. And then that last piece of, and I will call myself out when I push too hard, when I overextend, or when I expect those around me to do the same, because I want to be their champions as well. Okay.

This was so easy to apply, right? Like just a simple habit to sit down at the end of the day celebrating the wins that you had that day. Looking at your calendar, if you. Push too hard if you had too many things on your plate and so on, and call yourself out and yeah. And we are, like you mentioned a couple of times, we are, we need, uh, fuel, we need healthy food, we need, uh.

Sleep. It's a big one.

sleep. Thank you. Thank you. But I was thinking as well as about breaks in our day and, and something that I try to do currently is to go to the gym around middle of the day when I feel like my energy is going a bit down and Jim is like energizing me. I, I went before this recording and, uh, I had the recording in the morning when I should have been more energetic.

But guess what? I have more energy now that in the morning even that I slept well and according to my wire ball, like quite well, but still, so it's unbelievable. Like so small changes can make the whole difference and we can even achieve not just overachieve and go

Exactly. Exactly.

And when you're thinking in small changes, that's when you're getting rid of those two very opposite thoughts of do less and do more. I don't want you to stop reaching for success, and I don't want you to push so hard that success is never attainable. It's small changes that actually make the big difference.

I love to say big dreams are built on small actions. And so for you, instead of thinking how do I maximize each small action, you can actually say, okay, how do I care for my needs and fuel my drive and check in with myself with my small actions? That's really what I'm trying to do. I want to fuel my drive and I wanna make sure my drive is something that can keep going 'cause of how I'm treating myself.

And that only happens when I'm better at awareness, at checking in with myself. I kind of, I like to teach even achieving as like sitting on a teeter-totter in those playgrounds. Where it's never, you're not just suddenly an even achiever. Congratulations. No, no, no, no. Some days I'm gonna be a little bit of an overachiever, but the difference is I go.

I know how to balance it back out. I know how to say, ah yes, I'm overextending right now. Sometimes I'll even sit with myself and go, why did I feel like I had to overextend right now? Was there somebody watching me? Was there a huge deadline I was trying to hit? Was there a time investment, like if I spent so long on this that it felt like I couldn't walk away now or even more so was I treating myself as the thing that was getting in the way?

Those four things I look at and say, I already know psychologically when those are present, I'm more likely to overextend. And so if I sit with them and put them on the table and go, Hmm, yep, I feel like I need to overextend this time because this client demanded this hint this time, and maybe I didn't plan the time well enough or X, Y, and Z, then I can treat it like my math problems of the past and say, okay, what was X here?

I have to solve for X. So I did push. Why, what did I miss here? What did I not understand here? So that when client comes back again, I can renegotiate my terms and still give them the level that they want, but this time without overextending. So Gabe, when you overextend, that's great data. When you're aware.

You can say, why did I overextend this time? And I don't want to repeat it, so what am I gonna do differently next time? But if we're just checking boxes and moving on, I'm never going to ask that question. So those check-in moments are your most powerful thing for any form of sustainable high performance.

Those are the things we don't wanna skip no matter what. That's when I can say, oh, based on this season of my life, I can do these things, versus this season of my life where I can only do these things, but I'm not gonna know that if I'm not regularly checking in.

Absolutely. And, uh, while life gets busy and we just find ourself not checking in maybe a small reminders like the Post, you know, that I plan to do. It's a, yeah, it's a good way to be there, like seeing the actual thing, uh, in front of you and

You can use people too. That's what I use. I am so good at when I care about something, I'm like full, just completely absorbed in it. and my husband knows that I. don't want him to become collateral damage to whatever success I'm going after. I've told him that. I was like, you matter to me. You're important to me.

I don't wanna somehow lose you because I was distracted. And so he knows I have given him full permission to be someone who calls me out. Where he will say, Erika, are you pushing too hard on that? And I'll be like, 'cause I really like it and I wanna keep going. You know, usually, and he'll be like. And, and then I will fill in the blank and say, you're right, I can step away.

I will still enjoy doing this tomorrow. I will still have these things to work on tomorrow. And you're here right now, and this is the time I promised I would be present for you, because otherwise I'd sit on the couch by him. Sure, we're next to each other, but I'm not there with him. I'm thinking about everything else I wanna be working on.

So I've given him. And I have three kids that I've also given permission to call me out. You better believe that they do. My 7-year-old daughter is so good at it. Mom, mom, mom, mom. Right? And before that would've been just irritating to me. I would've been like, oh, they're getting in the way of the things I wanna get done.

But because I'm aware of the fact that I don't want them to be my collateral damage, I've given them permission to help call me out when I'm not as aware as I want to be. So it's okay to have, you know, systems like post-it notes, and sometimes I'll do yoga for instance. 'cause that's one of the few times where I'm like, oh, that part of my body hurts.

I had no idea what have I been doing right? Where I'm learning to listen to my body. But even with my own best practices, I cannot see myself fully by myself. So I pull in others as well to hold, hold, hold me accountable in a very loving way because they matter the most to me, and it's really easy to lose them when we're going after the stuff that we care about.

Absolutely. Absolutely. And was more important than that, right? For to to be present when your loved ones needed and to not. Be exhausted at the end of the day because you, you push it too hard and, and them having a coach, having a consultant, a around you, someone asking for help, like at the end of the day, because often we think we can achieve everything alone, but as we all know, it's possible.

I actually wrote about that recently. I was like, why are overachievers so bad at asking for help? We're so good at so many things and so bad at asking for help, and that's something we do. We have to sit there and say, I am not less of a person because I ask for help. In fact, if I want my overall achievements to go further, faster.

Help is one of the best ways to do that. So I have to let my ego aside and say, guess what? I actually wanna get this done at its top level. You can help me do that. It doesn't have to be just done by me.

Absolutely. And speaking of asking for help and calling out, please call out those you can help the best and tell them where should they, where they can find you.

Yes, so I Love to help any high performers, especially if you're in a corporation with workshops and teams. Those are my favorite things. You can find me on Erika coleman speaks.com really quickly, but also if you have a team that you think, oh yeah, we're high performing, but you're like, oh, wait. Are we high performing or maybe we just like quietly sneaking towards burnout and no one wants to bring it up?

I do have a scorecard that you can take for free at balanceyourteam.com to help kind of see where are we doing in terms of our team's overall balance, or are we. Quietly encouraging everyone to overextend because the best teams will consistently give into each other, but if you burn them out, you lose a whole system of people.

So that's one of the best ways to find me. Of course, you can also watch my TEDx talk. I would love to connect with anyone that resonates with that message as well.

Love it. And for anyone watching or listening, make sure you check the links because there will be down below in the show notes. And Erika, you wanted to share with me two things. Roughly at the beginning of the conversation and I didn't let you probably already touch on them during our conversation.

Uh, I don't remember which ones they were. Gabe, I've moved on.

Well, something about what you discover in your Harvard, studies.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

So my big moment when I finally changed my mind about stuff, so I was taking a class called Stress Coping and Resilience, and I loved it. And for 13 weeks I found out how I had done so much. During my mom's cancer journey and during my stuff I was like, oh, I'm freaking good at stress.

Like I was learning all about resilience and how to push further and get even stronger and better. And so I was kinda like, I don't understand why is This still the problem? And then the last week of that class, we learned about the dark side of coping. I was like, wait, coping can be bad. What? What is the dark side of coping?

And we read an article by ga, um, Adam Grant and Barry Schwartz. And in it they asked, can you have too much of a good thing? They wouldn't took the best virtues. You can think of Aristotle's virtues like courage and persistence and optimism. They said, what happens when we overdo those things? They found out every single one of those virtues at best are gonna give you diminishing returns, which means for how much effort you're putting in, they stop giving back and at worst, those good things actually become harmful to you.

And that's when I learned, oh. Just 'cause I didn't do anything bad during my mom's cancer journey and I didn't do anything but best practices during my business journey. I used so many of them and I went so hard, fully engaged in each of them that it did cost my body all of its ability to function for a while, and that's what I went.

I cannot just assume because it's good that I need to pursue it as hard as I can right now. That doesn't get to be my deciding factor anymore. So now it's this idea of this is a good, wonderful thing. How do I make sure I don't overdo it so that it becomes a harmful thing? That's been a question I now hold with me all the time because I learned the hard way that too much good can also be a problem and I want, I don't wanna stop doing good.

That would be do less. I'm not gonna stop doing good. I'm still gonna do it. I'm just not gonna overextend on it because when I do, I can make it harmful to me.

This was Erika Coleman on Authority in the Wild. And if this conversation made you think differently about achieving, you know what to do, make sure you follow Erika's work and. Subscribe to the podcast. Do not miss the next one. Until next week, Pura Vida.